People These Days

People seriously need to just get over the same sex couple in Good Luck Charlie. It's not pushing homosexuality on children. We live in a world where same sex couples do adopt children. And I bet these children watch all these Disney shows and think.. Hmm.. Why doesn't anyone else have 2 moms or 2 dads? And they think they aren't normal. But they are. There's people all over that have parents of the same sex. Think about how these kids felt when they saw the 2 moms treated so normally on this tv show. Probably happy. I think it's ridiculous how people can be so rude and send letter into Disney saying that they will not allow their kids to a watch Disney anymore if they keep "pushing" homosexuality on their children. You really think that your kids don't know that there are same sex couples who have children? They probably do know. Living in Wyoming, they probably don't know any other children with same sex parents but if you look outside of this extremely republican state, they are out there. And they are normal. Pretty sure the golden rule is to treat others how you want to be treated. So stop being rude and just get the heck over it. Ok... I just had to get this out of my system.  

I shared this on Instagram but I used nice words because I don't like using bad words In front of people usually. But actually I'm really pissed off about this and people are assholes. Like seriously... How can you be so rude to send a freaking letter into Disney? This is why I think there are issues with the LDS church. Being gay isn't a choice. People are born that way. In the Lds church they are like "oh, if you are gay then you just don't tell anyone and you don't act on your feelings." I MEAN SERIOUSLY!? How effing RUDE. So it's ok if you are gay but you can't act on it and you have to pretend to be straight. Which basically means that person can never be happy. They will live their whole life being effing miserable. That is so messed up. If being gay is so wrong then why did God make them gay? Why is gay even a thing? It wouldn't be a thing if God didn't make it one.  

Also, all these parents that are writing into Disney and saying how wrong this is, their children are gonna grow up to be rude and assholes. They are going to think they are so much better than everyone. And guess what. Their only reason for saying that homosexuality is wrong, is going to be because their parents and religion say so. 

No I'm not gay. But I DO support equal rights. Gay people deserve to be happy. If I have a child in the future who is gay.. You know what? Go for it sweetie. Because all I want is for my child to be happy. 

Work out? 

Or stay home and be lazy? 

The work out won tonight, for once. 

Sigh.

I feel it happening again. 

I look in the mirror 

Disgust 

That's all I see.

Too fat, too ugly, bad skin, not enough makeup, not enough waxing. 

I hope that no one else sees me this way. 

I feel my stomach grumble, yet the thought of food disgusts me. How can I eat when all I want is to be thin again? Will my self esteem issues never go away? I'm happy with life, my boyfriend, even my personality. But never with my body. Why is that? 

I need to brush this off. Like now. 

Job Hunting in A Small Town

Alright... Job hunting in a small town, sucks. It sucks a lot. The only jobs that ever come up are at freaking McDonald's or Arby's. I just want a full time, steady job. Like why is that so hard? Oh, because this town is dying. Every once in a while there are some jobs that come up. The sheriffs department is looking for a dispatcher. And I'm thinking about applying. Like why not? I think it would be an interesting job that I would never get bored at. And that's exactly what I need. I just wish there were more jobs like that came up every day. I want a full time job because we would have so much more money. I could get some new clothes that actually fit me and make me look like an adult woman. It would also make Justin's and my life so much easier. We could be equal. Right now he pays for the majority of the things we need. And I hate that. I mean, I love him for it but I hate it. I want to be able to buy him things and to be able to pay half of the rent. And to just be comfortable. I just hate that I'm so dependant. I feel like I moved out of my moms house just to move into another house where someone still has to take care of me. I just want to be able to take care of myself and have some extra money for things that we want. 

Sometimes I wish Justin's job would have taken us somewhere bigger where there's more opportunities. Worland is an ok town, but I definitely don't want to stay here forever. 

Ok... Job hunting rant is over. 

Rooms of the House

Just found out that one of my favorite bands is releasing a new album in March!!! I'm so excited! I love La Dispute. Maybe this means they will tour in the US! 

Can't sleep

I just can't sleep tonight. And I know that the majority of that reason is that Justin isn't here. Dang. I love him so much and I'm just so used to him being here. Being alone isn't easy. I'm in our bed. And it's 2am. I bet I could fall asleep on the couch easily. But it's something about our bed without him in it that makes it so difficult to sleep without him. I hope no one reads my blog because I probably sound so clingy and pathetic. But at the same time, who cares because this is my blog and these are my feelings. And I miss my boyfriend tonight. He will be back tomorrow so... That's good! I'm glad. 

I know that if I wasn't alone, I would be totally cool. Without him for one night. But I just don't like being alone for too long. I get bored and I don't like not talking to anyone. I am an introverted person but I am also the kind of person who doesn't like being alone. I'm the kind of person who needs someone. And I don't necessarily see that as a negative thing. I am dependant but I am also independent in my own way. And I am perfectly fine with that. And so is justin. I think he likes that about me actually. 

 

9/11 movies

Tonight Justin decided that he wanted to watch United 93. A movie about a plane on 9/11 that was headed for the White House. I HATE movies about 9/11. I was very young in 2001. But I remember that my mom woke me up in the morning and told me I couldn't go to school because she was scared because of the news. Now, as a 6-7 year old, that will scare the living crap out of you. Parents are parents. They don't get scared. If my mom was scared, I was terrified. Therefore, anything about terrorist attacks, planes crashing, or terrorists in general, scared me more than probably anything. And to this day, that stuff is still so frightening to me. 

Anyway, my whole life I have avoided 9/11 movies. Until tonight when Justin wanted to watch one. Which isn't at all surprising because he works for the TSA so he is very interested in this stuff and hes proud of what he does to keep Americans flying safe. So we watched the movie, and I cried uncontrollably. It was just so sad because the people on the plane were calling their families and telling them that they loved them. I couldn't control myself. Justin says he didn't cry but I'm pretty sure he did at least a little bit! 

The terrorists that did this to the people of America are just so terrible. They took away our sense of safety. It was an awful tragedy and it hurt us as Americans, but at the same time, it strengthened us. We have higher security now than ever because of it. And I love that Justin contributes to that and takes it seriously. I'm proud of him and I love him so much. 

The movie was good but... I think I am going to still try to avoid 9/11 movies. They make me sad and I don't like thinking about that stuff. 

Change Up.

So, hey there blogspot world! Or.. whoever reads this. Does anyone read this? Does it matter?

Anyway, it's been a while since I tried this whole blogging thing. I have a tumblr, but that's totally something different. (ohhh-these-butterflies.tumblr.com) 

My life has gone through some changes in these past few years. I got through high school (somehow) and when I think back on it, I remember hating it. But thinking about it now, almost two years out, it was actually some of the best times of my life! 

But my blog isn't about my high school days. It's about my present days! Where to start? I guess the man of my dreams would be a good place to start. 

Justin. 

Justin is... everything I could ever want in a man. He is my best friend and my lover. I've actually known who he was since I moved to Wyoming. (I may or may not have had a crush on him for years) I was friends with his younger sister and to him, for a long time, I was just his little sister's friend. And to me, he was just Brooke's (hot) older brother whom I never would have thought I would actually fall in love with. But for some reason, some reason that I am so thankful for, we saw each other in a different light one night while I was at Brooke's house. From then on, which was about 1 year and 3 months from today, we have been inseparable. I can't believe that I have met a person in my life who treats me so well, and who I love more than anything. 

College.. that's not really a thing for me right now. There's just so much that I would love to do and I truly can't decide. Justin and I live in Worland right now and there's not really anywhere I could go to school besides online. I was going to start this coming semester but I ran into so many issues with financial aid and not getting things done on time. (my specialty) I would love to be a nail technician. I think that's where my goals are headed. I would also like to get a degree in business because that would help me a lot in the nail business as well. But part of me still would love to be a teacher too, so... see my problem? 

There's the update on my life at the beginning of 2014! Can't believe how fast time flies.

Justin and I