Getting Ready

We have been getting ready to move to Laramie and I'm so excited! But I'm also getting really nervous. I haven't found a job yet. I have been applying for literally everything and I only got one call back from Wells Fargo. I did a short phone interview with them and I think it went well but I guess we will see. 

This week has been insane. Justin and I went to powell to go to Yellowstone with my family. And we went to Yellowstone at about 8am. But had been up since 6. We went and it was a little rainy but it was so much fun. As we were leaving my dad was getting calls from family saying that my grandma was in the hospital and everyone needed to get to Billings quick because they didn't think she was going to make it. My dad kept getting calls on the 5 hour drive to the hospital at 10 pm. The calls were saying that she had sepsis and was in the ICU and all this stuff that was going wrong. My dad was crying. It was awful. I was crying because I was sure she wasn't going to make it and Blaze was crying also. We got to billings at 2am and when we got there, they said that she was doing better and improving! About an hour later, me, blaze, dad and Fran got to go in and see her. She was just waking up and she was talking to us! I have never felt so relieved and thankful that I got to see her and hold her hand and hear her talk and look at me again. I was holding her hand and trying not to cry. A nurse came in and told us everything that was going on and how well she was doing and how she would get to go home in a couple weeks or so. We had to get back to powell though, so at about 4, we left the hospital and didn't get home until 6! We had all been up for 24 hours. We slept until the afternoon and then I went to the eye doctor and then Justin and I went to dinner with some friends and then came home. It was such a crazy few days. I heard yesterday that grandma is out if the ICU and improving so much. Thank goodness . All I've been thinking though is how much I wish I could be there and talk to her more and hold her hand more. I love her so much and it broke my heart in pieces when I almost lost her. I feel like I haven't been the best granddaughter. I forget to call. I don't visit as much as I should but I really want to be better now. I know that someday she really will be gone and there won't be any bringing her back, but for now I get another shot and I want to do the best I can. I love her so much. 

New Adventures

We are moving to Laramie! Justin got a promotion! I'm so excited to start somewhere new and also to leave Worland. I mean it was alright here and Justin and I definitely had some amazing times growing closer together as a couple. And it's where he proposed! But I really want to get out of this dead town and start somewhere else where there are more opportunities for me. I am also really excited because Pati and Don live in Cheyenne and that's only 40 minutes away from Laramie! I am sad that I will be farther away from my parents and brothers though. And I think that they are sad too. I will just have to make sure that I call them way more often than I even do now. The more I think about it the more I know I am going to miss being only an hour and a half away. What if one of them gets hurt and I have to get to the hospital to see them and I don't make it in time or something because I live so far? That's my main concern. But I feel a lot better knowing that I have Justin by my side. There's no way I could move that far away without having my love with me. I am so excited for everything that we are going to experience over there! It will be such an adventure! Plus Rachel is moving to Laramie just a few days before I am. That will be so cool to live closer to her so that I can see her way more! It seems like every time I go to Powell I have to see my family and that's it. I rarely have time to spend with Rachel. But now we will be in the same town and that makes me so happy! 

I really need to start planning the wedding. In a year (hopefully) we will be married! And all we have so far is the guest list and a couple ideas! Ugh. But for right now we need to worry about moving and I need to worry about finding a new job. Ew. 

ENGAGED

Ummm.. So Justin proposed!!! I knew he was going to soon because we looked at rings and he got a zales credit card and stuff. But I was not expecting it to be this soon!! 

I got into my car after work today and there was a note that he left for me. It was sayin that I should go to the back door when I get home and follow the instructions. So I was like oh my gosh he is so sweet! And then I got to the door and it said that I needed to follow the flowers and notes that he left for me. And right when I read that I was like OH MY GOSH. HE IS GOING TO PROPOSE! and when I got to our room he was on one knee with a pink rose and a ring inside and he asked me to marry him!!!!! I was like really!?!? Yes!!! We were both shaking and freaking out it was so great. 

And I am so excited! A little nervous but so excited!! I love him so much and we are gonna have a wonderful life together and he makes me so happy and I just can't believe it! Ahhh!!!! 

Feelings For Today.

I love my life right now. The more I think about it, the more I love it. Justin and I have the same work schedule, we get to go to bed together, and we get weekends to sleep in together and spend together. 

Soon, that is going to be pretty much gone. I can't stop thinking about it and wondering how something can make me feel so sad yet so happy at the same time. 

I just wish that I knew what was going to happen and that I could skip time and Justin would be done with the Police Academy and we can get used to our new lives. I am so not excited to live alone. Justin is asleep right now and I am out in the living room and I heard a sound and all I wanted was to go snuggle into my man's safe arms. But if I can get through the living alone part then I am good. I just have to tell myself that I can do it. 

I also want to try to go get my Nail Tech license while Justin is at the academy because then I will be really busy doing something and working hard while Justin is also working hard. Because the hardest part for me about him going to the academy is that he will be busy learning all his police stuff while I'm just sitting out on deck lifeguarding and being super bored. So if I can go get my license and get started in my career, then we are both working hard and it will be ten times easier! That's just an idea. I hope something like that can work out. 

I know that in the future, when we are married, have kids, and get super busy with our crazy lives, we will look back on this time that we spent together in a little one bedroom house, and wish we could go back to snuggling and staying in bed all day just being so in love with each other. I love Justin so much. And I already miss what isn't gone yet. But of course I support him and I am so excited for him to do the thing that he has always wanted to do! It will be an amazing experience and the start to the rest of our life together! 

Potential long distance relationship

Can I live in our house alone? Can I sleep in our bed alone? Can I get past being a worrier? 

I keep asking myself all these questions. The answer to all of these is yes. Because I don't have a choice. And at the end of the day, all that matters to me is that I have justin. He's applying for a job with the highway patrol. Which means he could be going to the police academy for 7 months. 7 months. every time I think about it I want to cry. And I think about it a lot. Especially at work because all I do is just watch people swim and I think about literally everything. 7 months is such a long time. The only thing that gets me through that is when I tell myself, "7 months is nothing when I could potentially have 60 more years with this man." And that makes me think I can get through it. 

Yesterday another great opportunity came up. He talked to someone from the sheriffs department and they are looking to hire deputies as well! And when Justin told me that I was like oh my gosh.. Go for it! He would love being a sheriffs deputy so much more than a highway patrolman. I know it. Plus he would only be at the academy for 3 months and not 7. So there's another plus! I really think he should take the sheriffs deputy job. He would love it. But it's up to him. Whatever he decides, I'm behind him all the way. This is what he has always wanted. But part of me also feels sad because as soon as he is hired at one of those jobs... Our life of same work hours, going to bed together, and having a steady schedule is over. However, our true adult life will start. 

Blood donation

Donated blood yesterday! Made me extra tired today but it was worth it if it's gonna save someone's life one of these days. 

People These Days

People seriously need to just get over the same sex couple in Good Luck Charlie. It's not pushing homosexuality on children. We live in a world where same sex couples do adopt children. And I bet these children watch all these Disney shows and think.. Hmm.. Why doesn't anyone else have 2 moms or 2 dads? And they think they aren't normal. But they are. There's people all over that have parents of the same sex. Think about how these kids felt when they saw the 2 moms treated so normally on this tv show. Probably happy. I think it's ridiculous how people can be so rude and send letter into Disney saying that they will not allow their kids to a watch Disney anymore if they keep "pushing" homosexuality on their children. You really think that your kids don't know that there are same sex couples who have children? They probably do know. Living in Wyoming, they probably don't know any other children with same sex parents but if you look outside of this extremely republican state, they are out there. And they are normal. Pretty sure the golden rule is to treat others how you want to be treated. So stop being rude and just get the heck over it. Ok... I just had to get this out of my system.  

I shared this on Instagram but I used nice words because I don't like using bad words In front of people usually. But actually I'm really pissed off about this and people are assholes. Like seriously... How can you be so rude to send a freaking letter into Disney? This is why I think there are issues with the LDS church. Being gay isn't a choice. People are born that way. In the Lds church they are like "oh, if you are gay then you just don't tell anyone and you don't act on your feelings." I MEAN SERIOUSLY!? How effing RUDE. So it's ok if you are gay but you can't act on it and you have to pretend to be straight. Which basically means that person can never be happy. They will live their whole life being effing miserable. That is so messed up. If being gay is so wrong then why did God make them gay? Why is gay even a thing? It wouldn't be a thing if God didn't make it one.  

Also, all these parents that are writing into Disney and saying how wrong this is, their children are gonna grow up to be rude and assholes. They are going to think they are so much better than everyone. And guess what. Their only reason for saying that homosexuality is wrong, is going to be because their parents and religion say so. 

No I'm not gay. But I DO support equal rights. Gay people deserve to be happy. If I have a child in the future who is gay.. You know what? Go for it sweetie. Because all I want is for my child to be happy. 

Work out? 

Or stay home and be lazy? 

The work out won tonight, for once. 

Sigh.

I feel it happening again. 

I look in the mirror 

Disgust 

That's all I see.

Too fat, too ugly, bad skin, not enough makeup, not enough waxing. 

I hope that no one else sees me this way. 

I feel my stomach grumble, yet the thought of food disgusts me. How can I eat when all I want is to be thin again? Will my self esteem issues never go away? I'm happy with life, my boyfriend, even my personality. But never with my body. Why is that? 

I need to brush this off. Like now. 

Job Hunting in A Small Town

Alright... Job hunting in a small town, sucks. It sucks a lot. The only jobs that ever come up are at freaking McDonald's or Arby's. I just want a full time, steady job. Like why is that so hard? Oh, because this town is dying. Every once in a while there are some jobs that come up. The sheriffs department is looking for a dispatcher. And I'm thinking about applying. Like why not? I think it would be an interesting job that I would never get bored at. And that's exactly what I need. I just wish there were more jobs like that came up every day. I want a full time job because we would have so much more money. I could get some new clothes that actually fit me and make me look like an adult woman. It would also make Justin's and my life so much easier. We could be equal. Right now he pays for the majority of the things we need. And I hate that. I mean, I love him for it but I hate it. I want to be able to buy him things and to be able to pay half of the rent. And to just be comfortable. I just hate that I'm so dependant. I feel like I moved out of my moms house just to move into another house where someone still has to take care of me. I just want to be able to take care of myself and have some extra money for things that we want. 

Sometimes I wish Justin's job would have taken us somewhere bigger where there's more opportunities. Worland is an ok town, but I definitely don't want to stay here forever. 

Ok... Job hunting rant is over.